At the beginning of my journey to India I made the choice not to start a blog this time around. I tried keeping one while in Japan at the request of many friends but I couldn't even keep myself interested enough to write it. No doubt it wasn't any more interesting to read.
This was probably because for the most part my life hadn't necessarily changed too much from how it was in America. Sure there was less studying and more going out (thanks Japan for the different take on higher education!) but it's kind of hard to put into words the exhilarating thrill of having enough money to roam around Ginza with your friends. Especially when you're used to trying to scrape together enough money just to think about leaving snowy deserted Oberlin behind for some vacation time. But even the more unorthodox moments, such as finding myself shoved into a filled-to-the-brim train car with only the doors holding everyone in became so normal that I wasn't even motivated to describe it to someone else.
India, on the other hand, is proving to be a whole other barrel of monkeys. Unorthodox moments happen not just on a daily basis but practically on the hour here and in such a wide range that it's almost impossible to become used to it. Rather than Tokyo where I could move in and out of crowds with great ease and lay my claim to the city, Madurai is making sure I realize that if I continue this pattern of travel I better understand I won't always find my way so easily.
This brings me to back to the whole reason why I decided to start this blog. I'm nearing my 4th month of being here and already I get the sense that I've become the seasoned veteran of an odd war filled with unexpected bombs, male chauvinism, hyper sexuality, and confused labels. Don't worry I'll explain in due time what each one entails. Basically, I've experienced some crazy shit. So crazy in fact that I can't help but think I need to somehow write it down rather than keep it locked away in my brain with the hope the memories don't fade. I'm sure they will serve as interesting dinner discussion later.
One of the common themes that I've noticed so far is that I have become something like an animal on display at the zoo for the people of Madurai. Specifically the men. Was I expecting this when I first came? Definitely not (at least not to this extent) and I've even tried to ignore it but the volume of attention I've been getting (mostly creepy) is too significant to throw away. To the point that I don't know where to begin. But perhaps let's start with the story of the "good boy" turned to "dirty 30-year-old man" acquaintance I made early on.
This was perhaps the 2nd or 3rd week I was in Madurai, when at the college they held a little get together for the International Studies Center so I could get to know the teachers involved. A friendly, albeit somewhat intimidating, Tamil teacher quickly came over to where I was seated and told me there was someone I just had to meet. Without giving me the chance to respond she asked if I was free later that evening and before I could get a non-committal grunt out it had been decided she would take me somewhere at 5 that evening. This was all of course with no knowledge as to who this person was, why I was going to meet them, or where we were going. I've come to notice this is pretty common in India; the minute you give the impression you are free you have signed off the right to let someone take you anywhere for however long they wish.
5 p.m. rolls around and as I get into this nice car (complete with driver and all) I start contemplating about the things this could turn out to be. Was she going to show me off to a friend (people like to do that here once they make acquaintance with a foreigner)? Or was she taking me to a priest to absolve me of all my horrible Western sins? Turns out, after I got the courage to ask, we were meeting an English teacher who spoke Japanese and was disabled. Despite his handicap of being unable to walk very well he had not only built a house for his family, created an English school for older Madurai citizens, and studied Japanese on his own. He sounded like a very interesting person and suddenly I was much more enthusiastic. In fact I felt like this would be my chance to finally rid my fear of forgetting Japanese by having a partner to speak with. Oh Jazmin, poor sweet naive Jazmin. If only I had known then.
Our first meeting went great, the Tamil teacher kept to the sidelines as my conversation with this new guy turned into a rapid succession of Japanese back and forth. Turned out we had a much easier time talking than I did with some of the teachers at Lady Doak. After giving me his card so that I could give him a call, he requested the Tamil teacher take me to his house so I could meet his family. That sent up a few red flags but come on maybe he just wanted to show off the house he built? Right?
I won't bore you with the rest of the details on that day, but as I finally made it home I felt good about how the day had turned out. I made a new friend with a very interesting character and also found someone outside of the college I could practice Japanese with. Which was why a few weeks later once I found myself with nothing to do during a holiday break I decided to give him a call to see if he wanted to get together and chat again. Of course he said yes, what 30-something year old single guy wouldn't want to chat with a 22 year old girl? Somehow that line of thinking hadn't entered my mind yet, although it should have.
We met again at his classroom to have another friendly chit-chat. Friendly my ass. Of course the conversation started out innocent enough, probably because he had a friend in the room with us, though since we were speaking Japanese it didn't really matter. In the beginning it was still pretty chill, we talked about everything from the states to how we've both made our "differences" work for us. Obviously he was very curious about my birthmark and even threw in the typical, "you still look so pretty!" lines which men seem to like to clarify after meeting me. But even at this point I took it all in stride.
Then his friend left. And things took a turn for the...sexual. First red flag, as he is going on about how he has made his misfortunes his fortunes (which I still find honorable but after some point I get a little tired of people who toot their own horn too much) he makes mention how even though his legs are weak he works out a lot with his upper body. Then, like any other typical muscle macho, he couldn't resist the urge to show off. After flexing a few times he came to the decision that I couldn't fully appreciate it until I touched his muscles. Um, no. Do I want to touch your arm muscles? Of course not! I have muscles too but you don't see me demanding that people touch them! He wouldn't drop it so I gave a quick 2-second touch with one finger to satisfy him hoping that was that.
Little did I know that was only the beginning. The conversation then turned towards my love life. Did I have a boyfriend? I answered no without as much hesitation mostly because this has been a popular question since I've been here usually leading to a discussion on marriage. But instead we stayed on the boyfriends. Have I had boyfriends in the past? Yes.
"In America, are most young people who are in relationships usually very serious?" Yes they can be.
"Usually if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend it means you've had sex, right?" ......Um...it can....but not always.
By this point I'm trying to figure out how the conversation had taken such a quick turn and also doing my best to make sure he wasn't digging around for information on my "virginal status" so to speak. But his questions kept coming at such a rapid and calm pace that my mind was temporarily fogged by polite conversational protocol, so like a dumbass I kept answering. And then it got weirder.
He asked, do you tell your parents that you've had boyfriends? Yeah I tell them but they don't care. You talk to them about that kind of stuff? I explain that my mom and I are very close so I would tell her these things. Then he asks me if I knew whether my brother has had girlfriends. Ok whatever that's not such a weird question right? I tell him yes I know, he's introduced us to them before.
This earns an eye-bug from him and brings about an even more disturbing question. Did I now whether my brother has had sex or not?
....
....
WHAT???? In what world do I EVER want to discuss my brother's sex life with a stranger? And in what world do you ask a girl whether or not she knows if her brother has had sex? It's really starting to hit me that this is a really strange conversation to have between a 30-smthn year old guy and a 22 year old girl who are in a room alone. By this point I'm trying to find a way to get out of here without him realizing the fact he's royally creeped me out. Too bad he's starting to pick up on that fact.
He checks in with me asking if he thought this was too personal. Then he explains saying he can't believe how easy it is to talk with me and doesn't have many people like that in his life. Thus he wants us to talk about everything and share everything. Oh and that he's so happy the teacher isn't here today so that we can speak "openly". Uh-oh. Big huge fucking uh-oh. Share everything? Talk openly? What, next you want me to describe my menstrual cycle to you?
Here's the thing buddy, this is only the second time we've met. And maybe you think that in America girls can be totally open about their sex life and their brother's sex life, but unless you are sitting in a bar with a couple of drinks no guy in America would just machine gun you with those kinds of questions. No guy would ever do that. Because most guys would realize this will in no way endear you to them. But clearly he had not gotten that memo. Rather I'm sure his rational was that there was no way he could ask an Indian girl her opinion on the matter as they would get offended, but an American girl would have no such problem! Well I may be American but that doesn't mean you can just forgo all forms of respect and start peering into my sexual life and that of my family. Especially after only having talked TWICE.
Here's the thing buddy, this is only the second time we've met. And maybe you think that in America girls can be totally open about their sex life and their brother's sex life, but unless you are sitting in a bar with a couple of drinks no guy in America would just machine gun you with those kinds of questions. No guy would ever do that. Because most guys would realize this will in no way endear you to them. But clearly he had not gotten that memo. Rather I'm sure his rational was that there was no way he could ask an Indian girl her opinion on the matter as they would get offended, but an American girl would have no such problem! Well I may be American but that doesn't mean you can just forgo all forms of respect and start peering into my sexual life and that of my family. Especially after only having talked TWICE.
So now I'm wondering, if this is only the 2nd time we've hung out and you've already asked me these things then what's going to happen the 3rd time? The 4th? Probably nothing good. I'm further creeped out by the fact that as I'm getting ready to leave he's saying things like we should always talk, every day. And he wanted to know if he could call me tonight to talk some more. Um....I just finished a good hour and a half conversation with you, what else could we talk about today? Moreover, what else would I want to talk to you about? But in the interest of getting the hell away from him as fast as I could I nodded my head in a vague manner while scouring nearby for an auto.
As we are saying our goodbyes he again throws out all kinds of compliments. You are such an interesting person, so easy to talk to, and you are so pretty I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend, blah blah blah blah. We should be very close, let's be very good friends. Ick.
Suffice to say when he called that night I merely rolled my eyes at my phone and shoved it under the covers so I wouldn't have to hear it ringing anymore. Too bad I was rudely awakened at 7:00 a.m. that next morning by him calling again and in my sleepy morning haze I accidentally picked up. After making some excuses as to why I didn't answer last night it turns out he wanted to let me know Steve Jobs had died. Oh wow, that's so nice of you. I definitely needed you to call me at 7 a.m. to tell me something I would have found out as soon as I turned my computer on.
I'd like to say that after that I cut off communications but because my stupid conscience kept making excuses like, you can't just stop talking to him without any reason as to why, this charade kept going for a while. Until finally after numerous attempts to try and get me to visit him again or to talk on the phone (as well as complaints when I didn't pick up) I cut him off cold turkey. It only took him about a month of calling me to finally get the message I was no longer going to answer. FINALLY.
I wish I could say that all interaction with creepy dudes in India stopped here, but then again if that were the case this blog might get boring awfully quick. As it turns out this was, unbeknownst to me, only the beginning of a long line of infuriating and weird interactions with the opposite sex here. Somehow my orientation had failed to prepare me for this side of my fellowship, although I don't think even they could have predicted some of the "adventures" I've been through.
But here's my final say on this ridiculous guy. I find it amusing/frustrating that the Tamil teacher who introduced me to this guy in the first place never realized that behind this whole "good-boy" routine there was just another horny guy. I'm hoping had she known this she never would have encouraged us to get to know each other. Then again this is another common theme here, everyone is a "good boy" until proven otherwise, even if you've only known them for a day.
Be sure to check in next time for - "What to do When a Ridiculously Good-looking Guy Stalks You For a Day."
