As promised, here is my second tale of woe with Indian men. Although to be perfectly honest it started off far more promising than my first story however that didn't stop it from ending just as badly. This is the story of how I somehow managed to snag a stalker for a day at an amusement park; but what makes this story even more interesting was how ridiculously good looking this stalker was. Since when did stalkers stop being creepy and start looking like models?
Before I can explain though it's necessary to give some background information. You see I probably never would have been in this situation were it not for the fact that I had accepted an invitation to travel with a group of English Grad students to Kerala for a 4 day trip. Sounded innocent enough, how much trouble could I get into with a bunch of Lady Doak students complete with stiff English Professor as a chaperone?
I should have known better the moment I stepped on the bus at a bright and early 4:00 A.M. to depart from the college towards our first destination, Munnar. My thinking was that despite being awake at an ungodly hour I could at least sleep the entire time, fresh for our arrival to the hill station. Yeah right. Imagine my surprise when I asked the girls if they were sleepy and they replied, "Oh no we only slept for an hour, now we are going to play music on the bus and dance!" Dance?? At 4 in the morning? The only things I want to be doing at 4 in the morning are either sleeping or wrapping up the end of a great night out. As many who know me are aware, I am very much not a morning person.
This also presented a problem concerning the years of conditioning I've received that any movement on a bus was bad bad bad. I have many memories of bright elementary school years where I would turn around in my seat to talk to a nearby friend only to be yelled at by a very disgruntled bus driver. Want to switch seats with someone else while the bus is moving? Well you better expect to hear an earful from a swarthy figure up front. In fact this ban on standing up in a moving vehicle is so engrained in all of us that even a group of Oberlin College Seniors in a school bus heading towards Cedar Point didn't dare go higher than one knee on their seat.
Yet here I sat with years of adults telling me I knew better than to get up from my seat, while these Indian girls shook their hips at me in what can only be described as a 'come hither' motion. What surprised me even more was that despite this rowdy group of students and the music that was blaring from the speakers, the bus driver never once made a single protest. Despite it being 5 in the morning he seemed more than happy to oblige the many requests being shouted at him. I have never in my life met a bus driver with such a calm temperament. So in the end of course I got up, joined in, and realized why exactly it's such a terrible idea to move around in a bus. Sure I was able to stand up for the majority of the time, but the rest of the time my body was being sent flying this way and that. Into her lap, into the window, nearly into the front aisle, and it wasn't just me. We were all barely managing to stay on our feet as the bus wound its way higher and higher up the hair pin turns of the mountain side. Dancing in a bus with bad shocks while it's moving? Bad idea. Dancing in a bus with bad shocks while it climbs its way up the steep and narrow roads of a mountain? Even worse idea.
But neither the teacher (who gave off a bit of a sour appearance) nor the bus driver ever once batted an eyelash, even when one of the girl's nearly knocked the teacher over with her elbow.
This was the beginning of my Kerala adventure. The countryside was of course gorgeous, the scenery was amazing, and I had seen my very first real-life elephant getting a bath by the side of the road. Disaster only began to strike towards the tail end of the trip, although I guess in the long run none of it was so dramatic as being worthy of the name disaster. But I digress; it was on our way towards Cochin where we would be going to an amusement park when I encountered my first nasty surprise. Now that our bus was heading down the mountain a whole new atmosphere had taken over inside. Rather than the latest Tamil item number on full blast, the bus driver was playing a movie while the girls clutched onto their stomachs hoping they didn't hurl. I was doing fine personally, no motion sickness, but I did have the annoying problem of needing to pee really bad. Thankfully for all of us the teacher had us pull over next to a small creek so the girls could throw up for a while. How nice of her.
While some of the girls did that a couple of us went down to the creek to take care of our business. Now at the time I wasn't thinking what kind of creepy crawlies might be down there; I mean I've been camping before so peeing in the middle of nowhere is nothing new. But it wasn't until after I was finished, waiting around the creek bed for the others, when I noticed something amiss. I could have sworn I saw something black crawling towards my feet, but even though I inspected as best I could I didn't see anything. I figured I must have made it up, until I heard something that made my blood run cold. One single word, leeches.
One of the girl's had started screaming, jumping up on her friend shouting she had seen a leech. The others merely made fun of her and told her she was imaginging things. Slightly relieved I glanced around, not noticing anything, decided the best thing was to get out of there before any more scares happened. I don't think it's necessary to add that I hate leeches, mostly because I don't know many people who actually like them. But ever since I saw little and saw this movie where two kids jumping in a river only to come out covered in leeches I've been terrified of them. Creepy black slimy things that gorge themselves on your blood? Not something I ever wanted to encounter.
However we were back safe on the bus and I was content to listen to some music on my Ipod whilst enjoying the Kerala scenery. That is until about 15 minutes later I felt something wet hit the top of my foot. At first I think, hmm something must have fallen from the chair in front of me. I move my bag and there wriggling on the ground in front of me is a shiny black leech fattened up with my blood. I have to say I'm very proud that I didn't scream or make a big fuss, I merely tugged on my friend's shirt and pointed. She laughed and confirmed my worst fear, meanwhile the teacher had noticed and asked for the bus to be pulled over.
While one of the student's dispatched this creepy blood-sucker, the teacher has me check to make sure there are no more leeches. I'm freaked out, terrified that if I search some more I'm bound to find them hiding underneath my sandals or God forbid underneath my pants. I don't notice anything and the bus starts to move again, but just to be sure I take off my sandals at the request of the teacher. Drop one, nothing. And just as I reach for the second sandal I see something go flying into the air from underneath my foot and sure enough going airborne is a second leech. Needless to say this time we all screamed.
Again I feel the need to give a shout-out to the bus driver. Here he had a grown woman and about 8 other girls screaming as if there was an axe-murderer on the bus, and he acted as calm as could be. He didn't slam on the brakes, like I might of, or swerve to pull over. Instead he kept driving until he spotted a decent place to get out of the way of traffic. Talk about a seasoned veteran.
This second leech was much fatter which made me want to stomp on it with the hopes of sending the message that it can't just walk away with a free meal from me. Too bad they kindly set it out on the side of the road before I had the chance. That was my first (and hopefully last) encounter with leeches. What makes them creepier to me now is that I had no idea I had two leeches happily chowing down on me. I suppose it's a good thing they don't hurt but it freaks me out to think I might have never known if I hadn't felt it slide down my foot once it detached. Yuck. I know they are helpful in certain medical situations but they still freak me out. If you've ever seen Stand By Me you'll know why.
Now for the second-half of my "disasters". As my dad put it, I had experienced two types of leeches during this trip. After our first scare we made it to the amusement park without any other delay. I was pretty excited because I mean come on it's an Indian amusement park, but I realized I was headed for trouble soon after arriving. Turns out in India rather than having one amusement park with roller coasters and a separate one with water rides they put them both together. I admit this is actually a much more convenient idea but the problem was I had no idea. Sure, they had been going on and on about water games but I assumed they had meant the typical log ride which splashes everyone, or maybe even one of the circular buoy's that is a bit like Russian roulette when it comes to getting wet. Nope. We're talking full-on water rides complete with wave pool. Complete and total submersion.
It had come to not only my attention but the attention of everyone else that I was wearing a pretty sheer shirt that once wet would be as useful a barrier from prying eyes as rice paper. As for my change of clothes, well that was a white shirt. Looks like the universe is out to prove I'm just a big ol' hussy. In the end it was decided I would double up the shirts which did work. In a way. Too bad my chest seems to be a million times bigger than the girls here my age. I couldn't for the life of me understand why when I got out of the water everything clung to me so that all my extremities became even more pronounced, while the other girls looked just as innocent as ever in their churidars. I wasn't the only one preoccupied with this dilemma; I found nearly every other male eye following me that day. And I wasn't even showing skin. Well, not much.
At first it was kind of funny, really. I mean they all seemed so riveted it almost felt like I had complete control. Not unlike a dog who follows a bone when you move it this way or that, I could have had these guys walking into poles which can make anyone a little power hungry. But in any case I ignored them, running around happily with the girls and demanding that we get on all the rides.
It wasn't until mid-way through our adventure that I noticed a particular guy with his friends who seemed to pop up at more than one ride with us. After a closer look I realized that, yes, he was clearly staring at me. Normally I would have chosen to ignore it, or perhaps tried to ditch him, but upon even closer inspection I noticed this guy was freaking gorgeous. I mean he was model good looking, with that long white kurta against his dark skin, pouty lips, and intense eyes it was hard not to fall for it. Not to mention I had been in an all GIRL'S college in a city that already had a shortage of young good-looking guys for about 3 months now. In other words, he was like finding an oasis in the middle of a desert. So maybe I stared back for a while and perhaps I didn't completely discourage his following me, BUT I also never actually went up to him. Not that I could have, I had my guard dogs circling around me at all times to make sure no devious man came up to have a "chat".
But there he stayed, with his friends, hanging behind going from ride to ride with us, chilling by the pavilion when we had lost our sense of direction. Despite this incessant following I still would shoot a glance over every now and then. At one point he was leaning against a pillar staring while sucking down on a juice box and can I just say I have NEVER seen anyone make drinking a juice box look sexy. But by God I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly turned on. Not to mention he reminded me a bit of a Mexican guy after they get their sights on a girl, it was the same persistent nature. So perhaps that's why I didn't think much of it at first.
After a while he finally managed to catch up with us and at one particular moment while I was near the back of the group he came up behind me and asked if I wanted to go out for a cup of coffee. I of course declined, mostly because I didn't want it getting back to the teachers that I had ditched the girls at an amusement park for some random Kerala guy. Somehow I didn't think that would go over well. He didn't care for that answer, of course, and asked why I couldn't just leave my friends for a little while, they would understand he reasoned.
I didn't have the chance to respond other than sorry because at that moment two hands grabbed my shoulders and steered me away while another girl pulled up the rear. Might I say that South Indian girls make for the best birth prevention; while under their watch you can bet no one will be coming near you.
Of course he didn't give up. A few rides later he came back up to me and slipped me his number telling me to call, despite the fact I told him I wasn't from Kerala. Didn't seem to be a problem to him. For a moment I was actually kind of admiring this spirit, until the next part that is in which I once again chastised myself for falling for this act even if he was ridiculously good looking.
For our grand finale we decided to get on one of those log rides that is basically one big hill which ends up crashing into a pool of water below, and right at the top of that hill you get your picture taken so you can laugh at how stupid everyone's screaming face looks. As we departed on our journey towards said pool I noticed that my admirer had slipped to the front of the line so him and his friends could watch us take off. It was at this minute that I started to think, it is a little odd how they always know where we are. It only got weirder from there.
Once we got off the ride and headed over to check out our picture on the T.V. screens I notice one of the girl's starts arguing with the man selling the photos. After enquiring what this angry, rapid exchange of Tamil could be about my friend tells me that apparently some guy had bought our picture and the man sold it to him thinking he was with us. Creepy? Indeed.
I couldn't do anything else but shake my head. I mean really? Guys here are on that level of sketchiness? And for what? A really bad picture of me screaming like some crazy chick. It was almost comical except for the fact that some random guys had a picture of me that who knows what will happen to. Actually I have an idea, but I'd rather not think about that. Surprisingly enough the girls shook it off quickly and decided we should go to the wave pool to properly forget about this incident.
On our way there I checked to see if I could find this guy, although this time I was hoping he had given up after that little picture moment. While I didn't see him I did notice his friends hanging around the area, pointing towards our group and relaying some kind of information. All of a sudden this turned into guerrilla warfare-style stalking, and there I was going back into the water which couldn't have been a good combination.
And it wasn't. As soon as we got into the water not only did all the guys on the men's side of the pool begin to crowd the partition and whistle at us, I noticed my dear admirer was standing with his friends at the edge of the pool with his phone out facing us. Perhaps I had been naive before but I can at least tell when people are taking shots with their cell phone, which was exactly what he was doing. While I was in the water, with my clothes clinging to me obscenely. Again all the guys at the partition noticed this as well which was why the girls began handing me their dupattas so I could try to maintain some kind of chastity.
I managed to have a great time in the wave pool despite it all and after we got out of the changing room I was happy to notice my stalker had officially given up. That night we headed back towards Madurai and all I had to remind me of this once seemingly innocent turned creepy affair was my stalker's phone number scribbled on the back of a ticket stub. Once again India had proven to me that I can't be so careless with men as I had been in the U.S. What could be considered harmless eye flirting back in the states was here apparently an invitation to take pictures of me without consent. Not to mention pretty much steal my photo.
Remember how I said I was learning? Well I am, but that was still early on. Again I would love to tell you that this is as bad as it got, however this was child's play compared to later. This was at least non-physical harrassment; the real fun, so to speak, was yet to begin.
Later on: Sexual Harrassment from 12 year olds and Groping: Another way to say Happy New Year's in India?
